


We'll Never Know

by zilia



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Angst, Internal Monologue, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 23:11:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1282222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zilia/pseuds/zilia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I guess we just missed our time, didn’t we?</p>
            </blockquote>





	We'll Never Know

I guess we just missed our time, didn’t we?

 

I knew how you felt about me. I knew you were interested. We had so many moments when something almost happened, and then didn’t. Heat radiating from our hands when they were side by side but not touching. Gazes held a little bit too long. Awkward silences which stretched out after jokes which were _just_ too close to the bone. Hints which were gently dropped, but easily denied when faced head-on. The space between us so heavy with so much potential, it was like electricity in the air. I just didn’t realise we were on a time limit. I think I thought we’d always have another chance, so that I’d always have a month or so more to mess around before taking things seriously. I couldn’t even imagine a universe in which we wouldn’t end up together. I thought we’d have ages, more than enough time to plan how to make it perfect for us, to stop playing around and admit what we were feeling. Why bother planning for something which was so obviously going to happen? But we were going to _end_ up together, you know? In the _end._ And I had no idea that the end was going to come so soon. If I'd known it was coming, I would have grabbed you with both hands and never let go.

 

We both had plenty of distractions through the years, ways to kid ourselves that we didn’t really need each other. Other bodies we could throw ourselves against. Places to go and people to see them with. We’re beautiful and successful, there’s never any shortage of company. There were some people who meant more, and some people who meant less, but you were always there in the back of my mind, like everything else was only temporary, like you meant the most of all. My foregone conclusion. My final resting place. I always came back to you in the end, and it was always like coming home. But neither of us was willing to risk what we have, even though we could have had something infinitely more if one of us had just taken that step. You were scared. Scared of breaking convention, scared of speaking out, scared of doing something which might mark you out as different. You weren't ready to accept having me would mean changing your entire universe and everything you had taken for granted about yourself. Everything people had taken for granted about you. Who were you scared of disappointing? It would have been difficult, and it would have hurt a lot of people, but in the end, it would have been worth it, probably. Maybe we would have been a disaster. Maybe we would still be together in sixty years and be one of those couples who die within days of each other because they can't bear to be apart. Maybe we would have had a few years, at least, maybe some kids, or at least a joint pet, and then have parted amicably, and learned to love again with a few heart bruises and a few learned lessons.

 

But now, we’ll never know. I was too slow, and you were too scared, and now we'll never know.

 


End file.
